Donna J Wan | Death Wooed Us

​“In 2011 after the birth of my daughter I developed a severe case of postpartum depression and considered taking my own life. I imagined I would drive to the California coast where I could look at the magnificent ocean and then jump off a cliff. Since then I have recovered, and learned that many suicidal people have similar inclinations: they travel near or far to well-known or obscure natural places to end their lives. Often these places are near water, mountains or valleys. There is even a term for such places – ​“suicide destinations.” The photographs in this project attempt to capture the views of these settings.

There are some who may think that my photographs romanticize these places of death. I can understand that point of view, although that is not my intention…Instead, I hope that it may offer a glimpse into the minds of those who may have thought that dying by these beautiful places was a peaceful way to end their suffering…” 

- Donna Wan

I have been fascinated with Donna Wan’s project Death Wooed Us for a long time. This is not only because it is extremely well-crafted, but also because it resonates with me on a personal level. As someone who has dealt with severe, chronic depression for all of my life (and has learned ways to cope with it), I recognize how Wan has used her skill to create images that convey the psychological space that suicidal ideation and sadness can occupy in one’s mind. And although this is a difficult emotional space to inhabit, I believe she is finding a way to express something that many feel, or have felt, but do not want to discuss. Her work allows us to look over the edge, consider, and then drive on by and back into the world.

The anatomy of sadness is a strange thing. When it unfurls itself inside of you, it fills you and empties you at the same time. It is so all-encompassing, it becomes the lens through which you see the world. Even beauty becomes heartbreaking. I see this in Wan’s images. Her compositions capture the grace and grandeur of these landscapes, and yet, what you notice the most is the empty space within them. Wan’s images make you feel small. You feel dwarfed by what you see and the beauty of it makes you ache. She gives you an isolating bird’s eye view- in some of the images you can see people, but only from afar.

When you are thoroughly saturated with sadness, you feel it physically. You can feel the parts of yourself that you are losing, the parts of you that are dissolving away as they are drenched in grief. It hurts.

I remember during a particularly difficult period of depression, becoming obsessed with the idea that I was slowly disappearing from this world. I felt that I was wasting away both physically and emotionally, and that it was entirely possible that one day I might wake up and actually be invisible. In Wan’s photographs, land, water and air all blend and disappear into one another. In one of her images of the golden gate bridge, we see the wires that tether the bridge down begin in sharp focus, and then gradually blur as they reach higher into the metal frame. It is as if the bridge is being engulfed by the fog, or is becoming the fog.

Sadness is something that fills you with a deafening silence. And for me, there is no sound in the world of Wan’s photographs. Sonically, it’s as if you are already under those waves, with only a quiet whir of water in your ears.

- Mia



View the series here.